How to Avoid Gold Diggers and Develop Quality Relationships

Want to learn how to keep gold diggers out of your life and meet women who like you for you? Learn from the insights of game theory.

The London mathematician/economist team Peter Sozou and Robert Seymour are doing some interesting work on courtship, and one important aspect is the role gifts play in the mating process. One of the researchers, Peter Sozou, was inspired by a story he read about a woman who was sleeping with many different men, but had her rent paid by her “exclusive boyfriend.” This led Sozou to explore the different types of gifts that males of all species give to females.

The results showed that the most effective gifts were extravagant but basically worthless. In the human dating scene, this means things like flowers, diamonds, and expensive dinners and vacations. In this way a man can show his wealth and long-term potential to be a good provider to a woman, but at the same time avoid gold diggers (which believe it or not, exist in many different species). The gold diggers are usually attracted by more practical benefits – clothing, for example, or money for living expenses. They are not interested in relationships, but want to get what they can efficiently.

The message here for men is that you should hold off on giving a woman things of value until you are sure she’s not just out for the material benefits. But you can’t just hold off on gifts entirely, because good women appreciate them too. Basically, don’t be so cheap that you’ll look like a slouch or like someone no person would want to spend time with.

As a side benefit, experiences – things like a trip to the theater or a swanky night on the town – have been shown to help build relationships. According to social psychologist Alison Lenton, experiences make us happier than material goods, and shared positive experiences can create a strong bond. Consider the recent article in the New York Times that recommended sharing new and exciting experiences with your mate. Give a woman a purse, and she just has a new object. But take her with you on a trip to China, and you’ve given her memories and expanded her life.

In fact, talking to a woman you suspect of being a gold digger about gifts may be one way to out her. What’s the best gift she says she’s ever received? If she talks about material things, she’s probably the shallow type. But if the best gift was something very personal or meaningful, then she may be a keeper.